odd title I know this… but I’m really trying to get back into the swing of blogging again – since the month of August is like 16 days behind us, and I no longer have any excuse!  The new routine of school and stuff has been keeping us all rockin’ and rolling over here. But it has been really good, It’s all just a matter of using my time wisely and finding where to fit in all the elements of the to-do list.

So… in order to get myself back into blogging, I decided to play along with my dear friend Lauren’s blog.  She is doing something weekly on her blog called “Truthful Tuesdays” and I just love it.  One day a week of no holds barred honesty about whatever it is that is on her mind.  I think it is always a challenge to be upbeat positive and informative on your blog… and yet not lose that honesty that I think gives a blog something special.  Anyway, since la started doing truthful Tuesdays I’ve been dying to play along… but gotten busy and didn’t for some reason…. so this week I’m determined!

… the only thing is… my “truth” this week isn’t very serious… and actually it’s a bit silly… but I’m supposed to just put it all out there what ever is on my brain right??? So… here you have it… (it’s all Lauren’s fault!)

don’t laugh…

So… LOL… This is a picture I took of myself this weekend…

…in the dress..

…I wore to my HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION!

LOL yes yes I know, it is REALLY age inappropriate… I realize I look more like a 14 year old in this dress than a respectable 28 year old mom of 4… and also… I know no one actually wants to see that much of my thigh… LOL but seriously MY HIGHSCHOOL GRADUATION….

I don’t know why I have this dress anymore… actually yesterday when I was cleaning my room, and straightening up my closet, I tried on about 8 dresses that I own that really have no business still being in my wardrobe… and considering the fact that (up till now) I haven’t even come close to fitting in these clothes for 8 years… I really don’t know why they were in there!

But… now that I found them… and tried them all on… I can’t even explain how good it made me feel.  After having Gareth… and then the other three, I just was sure that one of the many things I was giving up forever as a mom, is my old “little teeny tiny person” status.  It was actually really really hard for me.  I spent the whole first part of my life being smaller than everyone around me.  At five feet tall, I’ve always been the shortest,  but it was more than that too… I have smaller bones, I have a little frame, and I was always effortlessly pretty thin, it was just who I was… shawna is small…

So when I had kids, and moved into average, and even “overweight” brackets  (CURSE YOU BODY MASS INDEX!) , it was really really hard for me to sort of redefine my self image.  I never would have thought before that I was excessively vain, but I see now that my size has always defined me more than I knew… who knows maybe we are all very defined by our size/appearance… or more so by the way we feel about ourselves.

So…… yes I’m rambling… honest no holds barred shawna is a bit all over the place… it can’t be helped…

So… for the past 9 years, I’ve always always said, that once we are done having kids I would really buckle down and loose weight.  I told myself (over and over and over) that I’d get into the “normal” bmi range (again, curse you BMI!).  But that I had to be realistic, that I had to realize I’d given up teeny tiny me when I gave birth to 4 precious boys, and you know I think I was even at peace with that.

Tennyson marked our last baby (its COMPLETELY OFFICIAL now – really you read about it at that link on g’s blog).  So as I have mentioned a few times over the past few months.  In April, at 2 months postpartum, I decided it was time to make good on my promise, and I did it!  I signed up for Weight Watchers Online, started counting my points religiously, and I also started doing the couch to 5 k program that I seriously loooove (read all about it here if you missed that post).

With in 3 months, I lost the 20 pounds that was my firsts goal.  I got into the normal BMI (curses bmi!) range, and I fit into all my clothes from before I was preggers with t.  Then I thought, you know, what the heck, I’m just going to see what more I can do… I mean i KNOW I’ll never be as small as I was pre kids, but maybe I can settle somewhere a bit lower than I have ever been as a mom….

I kept working, watching my calories, running consistently about 5 times a week.  And 5 months later here I am!  I’m actually with in about 1 to 5 pounds of what I weighed as a highschooler! I’m not all the way down to what I was pre-gareth, but seriously I weighed between 98 and 101 pounds in college when I got pregnant (instead of gaining the freshman 15, I seemed to loose the freshmen 10)… so that would be a really really lofty goal!

So… yes… truthfully, today on Tuesday – I feel dang proud!  I feel healthy and stronger and for mercies sake, I feel pretty hot! hahaha!

Here’s a few more for you, just for the sake of putting it ALL out there LOL

Here’s my Jr. Prom dress:

and also, another random dress that is highly age inappropriate, but I’m telling you, I feel pretty good in this one!  Maybe there is some sort of skank fest or something I can wear it to with out feeling like I stand out too much! Hahaha, just kidding…. sorta .

Really, Its totally not toooo bad… as long as I don’t have to bend over…

I’m just forewarning you that if you live in my neck of the woods you may or may not see me wandering around Fred Meyer’s in one of these puppies! …. In the words of my dear friend Casey… “I’m just sayin’”.

Anyway… um… yeah… yay me!  I’ve lost over 30 pounds now and countless inches.  I’m up to running 2.5 miles straight (25 mins) with out feeling like I’m going to die.  And… I feel… finally… a bit less like a “mom,” and a bit more more like the ME that I’ve always been.  I really value being a mom, it is makes up SOOOO much of my world…. but it is also nice to remember that there is more to me… (or less of me in this case!) and that as I work to balance it all, and find my place in my life… I can still be… well… me…